Day 283.

Tyler’s heart. When you find out that you are pregnant one of the first things they do after the initial blood work to confirm your pregnancy is set up an ultra sound to hear the heart beat. It was January 2002 when I heard Tyler’s heart beat for the very first time.  The last time I heard Tyler’s heart beat while he was alive was November 8, 2024. The precious doctor left her stethoscope with me to sit and listen to it. I’m not sure how long I sat there but I never wanted to get up. I didn’t want the reality to be true. I wanted his heart to beat inside of his body forever but 22 years and 59 days was written for Tyler’s life. Tyler was an organ donor and in March I wrote to all of the recipients. We heard from the man who received Tyler’s heart first.

On May 19, 2025, Andy and I’s anniversary, we had just come back from receiving Tyler’s posthumous degree and frankly we wanted to skip over the day. But God! That day I took my tear streaked face to the mail box and there it was, the update on Tyler’s heart.  I was desperate to know about it. I’m not sure it makes a lot of sense but I find comfort knowing that it still beats on this earth. This man had a congenital heart disease that took the lives of his mother and brother. He had been on the transplant list for a few months specifically because of the size of the heart needed. He didn’t have long to live when he got the news that a perfect match had been found. He sent pictures of how he is honoring Tyler’s heart by living life well. It was so good for me to hear from him. You see, I grew that heart in my body, I not only have an emotional connection but also a physical one. For now, it feels like a little gift from God that it still beats earth side.

Our no was their yes. I talked about how hard that no was to receive at Tyler’s celebration of life but that I trust in God’s sovereignty.  I see such a small picture and I’m very me centered. I wanted a miracle, I wanted Tyler’s testimony of total healing to bring unbelievers to the Lord and change eternities. While it didn’t happen in the way we prayed for, I believe with my whole heart that Tyler’s life is still doing the work of making Heaven crowded. That is good. God did not want Tyler to leave this earth in the way he did but He allowed it. “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28

This is a hard verse because I believe in God, I believe that His Son, came, died, and rose again to save us from our sin. Tyler also believed that. How can this be good? It isn’t but God can take this and good can come from it. God can make ALL things, not some things, good! I see that in this man who gets more time with his wife. their children and grandchildren. I pray for them every single day! I also pray that when I get to Heaven, God shares with me all of the lives that were changed by Tyler’s earthly death. I have to be intentional about seeking joy. It’s not easy but I want that for myself. I want that for my husband. I want that for Jacob and Tessie. I want that for the man who is now home to my boy’s heart!

This is a hard road but God is good, even in this!

There are often days when I don’t have words and I’m thankful that the Holy Spirit goes to the Lord on my behalf. “Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. Romans 8:26-27