Day 47.

For 22 Christmas’ I filled his stocking and wrapped presents for him. But, not this year.  His stocking is empty and there are no gifts under the tree for him. When Tyler passed, I initially dreaded the time of year. And there are parts of me that definitely still do. But I have found myself being so thankful that during this time of heavy sorrow  we are celebrating the reason we have hope. We celebrate the perfect lamb that was born and salvation was His gift. The one who came to save the world has my son.  Tyler’s death here is not where it ends. I have thought so much about Mary over these last 47 days.  Would the pain of her mother’s heart take away the cross? I have had moments where I would take heaven away from Tyler to have him here if I could. Thankfully only One holds that power and His plan is perfect even if it includes our pain. Scripture doesn’t mention Mary seeing Jesus after His resurrection.  Did God allow that to be a private moment between mother and Son?  I like to think of it that way. We look at scripture with the ability to know the whole story.  Did Mary understand all of it or did she trust so faithfully that even in His death she found peace? Scripture tells us that Mary had understanding of Jesus being the Son of God but did God in His wisdom spare her the details? The reality of living the rest of my life here without Tyler is almost too much to bear but here I am and I have no choice. This is the road I’m on and I know that God is with me.

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.”

John 3:16

Merry Christmas to all of our family and friends. We love you dearly and we are so thankful for each of you. May God be with you all!