Day 54.

There is a physical pain that is constantly there reminding me that Tyler is no longer here. It hurts all of the time. I have had mothers who have lost their own children offer so much wisdom about what this road can look like years later. I’m so thankful for them and at the same time I wish we didn’t share this pain.

I am desperate to not feel the pain but at the same time I want to keep it. When it starts to ease that means that there has been enough time without him here that my body has settled in to it. It’s how we survive we can’t stay in a state of intense grief our bodies can’t handle it.  I had a dear friend say something to me just a few days after Tyler passed and it has brought me comfort.  Every day that ends here is one day closer to being with Tyler.

I’m on this road that I don’t want to be on and trusting God isn’t always easy (just being honest).  I will miss Tyler for all of my days but instead of feeling like I’m leaving him behind I’m going to speak truth to myself, I am moving towards him.

The pain doesn’t instantly go away but I’m so thankful for the hope that is working to heal the cracks of my broken heart.

“He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”

Revelation 21:4 ESV

On this first day of the new year may we all feel the love of God and may we allow it to sustain us for all of our days!